“You just sit right there and think about what you did, young lady!”

“You just sit right there and think about what you did, young lady!” Or “This means 5 minutes on the naughty steps for you!” Or “Go to your room and think about what you just said”… Sounds familiar at all? Have you ever thought what your child is thinking when you put your child in Time Out, send them to their room or on a naughty step?

I know your aim is that your child reflects on what they said or did. How about someone said to you: “I don’t like what you just did/said, go sit on that chair and think about what you just did/said”, how would you feel about that? Would that actually encourage you to think about it? Or would you feel shamed and blamed and put on the spot? Also, did you know that children can only really self-reflect on their behaviour from the age of 8. Heck, I know grown ups who still have a lot of trouble reflecting on their behaviour. It’s more likely that your child is thinking things along the lines of “Why do I always get the blame, it’s so unfair!!!”, or “My mum is just mean for reacting like that..” Or “Next time I will make sure I am not getting caught.”

What would be a better option? Taking a Positive Time Out. And then not only for your child, but also for yourself. Most likely your child is angry, frustrated or upset (or all that at the same time). Changes are you are too. Is that the best moment to deal with the things that upset us? I don’t think so. Better is for both of you to take a Positive Time Out time to calm down, get the anger out and the reason back in before you can really discuss or reflect on what actually happened and more importantly think about solutions. But, you might think, that is how my child “gets away” with things! How did we ever get the idea that children first need to feel worst before we can do better. If everyone has calmed down then you can have a conversation about what happened and why. And how we can prevent this in the future. We can brainstorm solutions and express feelings and have a real conversation with real answers.

We all need a Positive Time Out now and then and so does your child. Support that by creating a Time Out spot with your child at a calm moment. This can be a corner of the sofa, a play tent with cushions or a big beanbag in their room. Whatever your child would like. Don’t forget to create one for yourself as well.

Happy Positive Time out!

Want to learn more Positive Parenting techniques? Join me on Wednesday April 7th for a free online, live introduction workshop on Positive Discipline. Full 6 weeks courses are starting on Tuesday April 13th. More info on www.assk.info.